Life.
What a wild adventure it’s been.
And in this moment where more and more continue to lose their life to a great deal of injustices -
I am just beginning to recognize the privilege and blessing that I get to heal and feel into mine.
And what I am finding are things I have always known -
Yet,
I purposefully and un/intentionally have tried to forget -
suppress -
silence -
even sometimes shame -
my unique quirks , sensitivities, and joys -
what I held once as precious gems,
have been forged deep underground hidden in disgrace in my cells, habits and responses -
due to the responses / reactions and judgments / unfulfilled expectations of others.
When I felt unaccepted / unheard / unseen / harmed -
I found/find ways to numb out -
Dissociate -
Dissect -
Deplete -
Make me as small as possible...
Doing all I could to get space in between the ways in which this world made me feel and witness unjust discomfort-
who can relate???
I used to go outside of myself in so many ways -
believing the inward direction was too much,
too bad,
too dark,
too defeated...
Oh, how things do change.
Oh, how we can evolve.
I get to heal that girl today and it is pretty incredible.
And I only could heal that girl today by building my resilience through the discomfort -
the mud -
suffering -
mistakes ...
failures...
losses...
the harm -
oh man I have caused and created chaos and harm -
I recognize that -
and continue to.
That's the work.
That's the healing.
and that's the thing,
it's possible and ripples outward into infinite directions.
Where I am today is a testament of the ground work of being committed to calling out your bullshit and being okay with accepting others may not be ready to do the same
- breath in and breath out. It aint easy. yet - always worth it.
Which is why we practice,
Which is why I choose to practice
- day in and day out trying to strive for balance in a very unbalanced world-
Striving to stay compassionate, honest, open, willing, aligned...
It's hard.
Really,
really,
hard.
yet again -
possible.
and I think that's the brilliance to it all -
the balance we seek-
the acceptance we are owed and worth -
the abundant ground of grace holding us all -
is possible -
so freaking possible!
If we are willing -
to stick out the despair and defeat -
defy the discomfort as well as the odds -
If we lead with the opening of our hearts -
All is possible.
And my healing is teaching me just that,
that magick of our own deep inner knowing that is there waiting to be found -
waiting to be received -
waiting to be remembered.
And that's what I have been doing these last 7 months,
remembering.
Coming in.
Accepting myself.
Finding my Soul's calling.
Evolving as the world feels as though it is on fire.
It kind of is ...
Stifling...
Suffocating...
So I breathe.
And call in my Highest Self.
These last 7 months continue to teach me so much about my own humanity through my own insecurities and scarcities - the limits placed upon myself both voluntarily and involuntarily. I am also noticing how all that stuff I used to label as "baggage" actually contributed to some of my most unique and authentic gifts -
the ways in which I create my expression of my experience -
all the ways in which my suffering exposed me to the matriarchal march of my own healing heart's rhythms and beats.
A calling forth with a calling in.
It is possible.
And It is happening.
A constant continuous challenge of learning to love all the ways in which I exist and am able to express my existence
as well as unlearning all the ways I harm myself for taking up my birth-righted space and breath.
I am allowing myself to trust myself again.
and it's beautiful.
And I am grateful.
And recognize the trust you place in me -
and I want you to know,
I am here.
Evolving.
( with you )
I am evolving.
And it hasn't been neat or organized or held to any degree of expectations along the way. It has been authentic. And uncomfortable and confusing. A fusion of Divine guidance and my effort, my will, my hope as the lead for something better,
Something bigger,
Something that can hold us all where we are with accountability as well as grace -
And forgiveness.
So much forgiveness.
We are going to need it as we continue to wake up from the self inflicted amnesia and ways we have kept pushing our square pegs into round holes.
They’re not for us.
Never have been
Never will be.
And that’s okay.
I don't want to be confined to any edges - and invite you to consider the same idea,
a Vision,
a Dream,
where all is possible.
We know it is possible.
Now may we put in the effort,
elbow grease,
and ride the ebbs and flows
so It may come true.
It will come true.
I am learning to celebrate the ways I am so different.
The ways I cannot march to another’s drum.
Only mine.
And it’s more of a dance -
A flow -
A feeling -
That I have forgotten for so long.
Too fuckin long…
But…
Not anymore.
Culture, Conditions and circumstance - you tried…
But you do not steer this ship.
I do.
infinite light and infinite love as we continue on remembering who it is we are and who it is we are to one another - one brave and loving breath at a time,
keri
