I’m just getting in from a walk outside with my pups/kids Lola & Carlos and as we walked the fields behind our house I had the realization as I looked down at my left wrist, I haven't been wearing a watch for the last few weeks.
Where this used to freak me out - like, to the point where I would turn around and go home if I noticed I didn't have it - there was a complete sense of freedom as I became aware of just how much I do not need it and just how used to not having it I seemed to be.
I smiled as there was no way to measure the time -
And why did I need to know it anyway?
Was I in a rush?
Someplace else I need to be?
Nope.
I looked up at the sky wide eyed and open heart -
I am right where I am supposed to be.
And as I felt that truth resonate loudly and land in my heart and soul,
I also felt into this thought seeing the words so clearly in my mind:
What time.
Not so much a question,
More like a truth.
What time.
This message/thought sparked my curiosity and I began to think about this concept of time and how I/we allow it to direct and dictate our days -
and I would have allowed it to,
especially in that moment as I looked and landed on my wrist with no message of hurry up or we gotta go or anything that challenges my presence as well as everything in between.
Knowing time is what the clock reads - I am trying to do my work to live beyond it.
And in a weird, yet Divine way, my watch taking a poop on me about half way through Covid has been a small spark supporting my freedom of living beyond it. Beyond all the ways my ego and fear and culture have tried to push me or pull me outside of my own pace -
No more.
I can find my balance beyond it -
And,
That moment was my living proof.
It was almost at the same time I glanced down at my feet in the grass and spoke out loud:
Dear Divine,
I know nothing.
I only know your Love.
Words I say frequently and found when my life was challenged and compromised and changed in so many many many of ways. More than the loss of my parents. More than the veil of illusions being removed. More than the defeat of disappointment and deceit. More than my own personal Armageddon.
My transformation and transcendence through suffering and pain.
My own healing journey.
The mud that led and aligned me to our lotus.
The path of knowing nothing -
And being open to everything in the Divine Light.
(My miracle mantra before I even knew that was a thing)
As I could feel what it meant to live beyond the concept of time -
What time?
I also was reminded of all the other walks that preceded this one -
I know nothing.
Where I took my time with Lola and Los by my side -
I am safe.
Where we felt the grief in our bones and the ground under our feet -
Heal baby heal.
How each step built up my resistance to fear and shame and guilt and blame -
Don’t give up.
And learned to allow the light of the Divine to lead and align the way -
My gut the guide.
I found my way through the madness and turmoil and what felt like constant destruction -
All at the speed of trust and all on Divine time.
No time.
No rush.
No knowing.
And here I am again.
And where I could let it feel icky and sticky and tense and too much - been there, done that.
I am choosing to see it as the miracle it can Divinely be.
OR even better yet:
Already is!
Already has been!
Always will be!!!
That’s more like it!!!
Amidst all the loss -
All the pain -
All the ways in which there’s no going back to what was -
Constant constant constant change -
It can be frightening -
Or it can be freeing.
We get to choose.
And we choose where we place our power in a multitude of dimensions and ways - every single breath of every single day.
Does this support your freedom?
Or does this support your chains/cycles/patterns of pain?
I am so grateful for the discomfort that has led me to so much truth -
so much possibility -
so much presence -
and so many gifts.
I choose peace as my anchor and love as my pace.
I don't know where I'm going.
I don't know what I am doing.
I don't know a bam thing -
and yet I know I am blessed,
I am abundant,
I am willing,
I am open
and I have everything I need to continue to rise through all that wants to keep my stuck, struck and down.
And so do you.
Take your time out there, kids. I love you. I appreciate you. I am excited to see where all our not knowing takes us. I will meet you there - happy, healthy and so very very free,
keri
